THe Release

As anglers, we frequently focus on the catch. The size, our accomplishment, and expertise at what we do. I have spent the past 17 years doing the same but recently, the release has come into focus, and the importance of making sure she is ready to swim. Even upstream if necessary.

Questions begin running through my mind; can she right herself, does she have strength, have I provided enough space to recover? One day I will no longer be responsible for her, I realize this. Yet until the day when she is in the care of another, she is my sole responsibility in this world. Understandably so, this moment always feels like a “make or break” moment for me. The pause before she swims away perhaps not even looking back. However, there is a chance that she may linger to give me one last look of farewell. One last well wish.

For me, this is a moment of pride.

The Release, a pivotal moment. The singular moment when pride and doing something right conjoin together.

The River has always been a great teacher, but so has fatherhood. If you haven’t realized it yet, I am not talking about my personal best Bass. I am recalling memories of my teenage daughter. She has been my fishing buddy (on and off) for years as her interest adjusts as she ages. But no matter the season she will always return to fishing with Dad. It took years to mold her into an angler, to find love on the river, to catch the bug of tying flies and netting her own fish. And I still work earnestly on convincing her to wake up at dawn to be the first on the river as it may be the only moment that her and I are alone in peace. But I have discovered that these are the moments where she expresses her joys, fears, and life plans – and is open enough for me to coach her honestly and with love.

She is a fighter. My eldest and possibly my PB to date to anything else I have ever done. She won’t go easy on this world and will not come to any net without a headache. With her furious joy of movement and life, she also possesses a soft side that is as beautiful as the nature we float through. She finds tranquility there. She finds home. It is there that I care for her heart. It is there that our relationship is its most pure. In this sacred place, I take out the hooks of the world and rewild her. Reminding her that the world is vast, beautiful, but in some ways very dangerous. I remind her that there are those who solely wish to have you as a trophy and may abuse the ecosystem that you thrive in. However, there are also many whose purpose is to build you up and protect your heart, and when she is to find them, keep them close.

Now this brings me to where we started. The moment of truth. The Release.

I think about my parenting in moments versus time. Over the course of the next 365 days, we will still be together, but we live separate lives. She is into typical teenage girl activities, most of which don’t include Dad. I have work, travel, and guiding. So, next year I believe I will have approximately 3-4 more moments with her on the water due to school and prepping for young adulthood. I will cherish these three. Three moments to be with her in our sacred place. Teaching her about chasing the flashy lures of life, slowing down to appreciate what you have in front of you, and assuring her heart.

The Release.

The moment I always knew would come as soon as she entered into this world. The moment I’ve been practicing for. The moment that I have (hopefully, carefully, and skillfully) prepared her for. Her release to swim.

The learning from the river: The thrill of a tight line, constant change, and endless possibilities.

The Father’s hope: That she will pass down the gift of fishing to the next generation and that she will once again return to us both – Me and the river.

Soon it will be time for her to apply her wisdom without my cover. They say, “You must let them go to grow.” Such fitting words and sentiments regarding my daughter.  Her growth beyond myself and my teaching, guiding her trust in self, finding her path on a new journey and new river.

The Release. A pivotal moment.

This post was originally posted in Midwest Fly Magazine’s Fall 22 issue.